Dumpster Safety 101
I was sitting on the back patio the other night and could hear the open dumpster lid banging on the dumpster because the wind kicked up. In Texas. Imagine that.
Given the fact that is is the ten-year anniversary of the “Infamous Dumpster Mishap of 2008” I feel it is my duty to shine a light on dumpster safety.
Rollaway dumpsters are nothing to take lightly, home dwellers.
Ten years ago, I was weeding my flowerbeds and rolling the dumpster with me, which I believe to this day is a common practice.
What I didn’t know, and you may not know either, is that it’s vitally important to shut the lid on the dumpster before you go pushing it around, or it could literally change the way your face is arranged. Or even worse, you could end up in the dumpster.
Don’t laugh - it has happened.
On that hot, summer, yardwork-filled mid-afternoon, the EMT’s were actually called to my house after I mistook the lip of the dumpster lid for the foot bar and flipped the entire dumpster o’ pulled weeds onto my face - mostly, my mouth.
Luckily, the bone that connects my nose to my forehead caught the dumpster before I could be deposited completely inside. Instead, I lay on the ground, slightly under the dumpster, making noises that sounded similar to what ghost hunters pick up on electronic voice recorders.
Since I remained outside the actual dumpster, I slowly and blindly located my phone (there was blood involved) and called my mother. In those days, I still had buttons I could feel on my phone, and enough brain power to remember the grid.
It only now occurred to me that if that happened today, my iPhone would be of no use to me, because, flat screen. Right now, I know all of you tech savvy people are rolling your eyes because you, too, have heard of Siri.
I know who she is, but I don’t know how she works. I’ve never used her on purpose, but sometimes she just randomly shows up and records what I’m saying. So, to be honest, I don’t trust her enough to give her my mother’s cell number.
My mom and the EMT’s came to my aid and I went to the emergency room where they confirmed that the dumpster had, in fact, taken the bridge of my nose as a casualty by both breaking it, and splitting it open. I was a bloody mess.
I left the hospital a little less bloody, with $2,400 worth of superglue keeping my eyes from being wider apart than they already were and looking like I just been hit in the face with a dumpster.
At the very same time I had my accident, a lady a few blocks away from me had the exact same kind of accident and ended up in her dumpster, then in an ambulance. It was like a mini-epidemic that day.
But it could happen again. Shut those dumpster lids before you roll them, kids. It might save you having to learn how to use Siri.